Turn Up The Volume, Mute The Sounds

Last time I talked to you, I looked down on you, lost in space. Without thinking words were said, and what hurtful words they were. And suddenly sarcasm didn’t seem like such a cool thing to have anymore. I never saw the hurt in the dark depths of those eyes flanked by the wrinkles that made you beautiful.

You’re falling back from me, defy gravity, out of reach. But somewhere out there, I’ll find you again. Out here the atmosphere is dense, and I turn on the radio, trying to find you on some line. Tuning into the emotions that plague the air I breathe. I pray that you don’t burn out, or fade away.

I never saw the redness in the whites of your eyes as you spoke to me about the sacrifices that you made, the dreams that you shed tears for. Perhaps I didn’t want to. So I plastered a smile and said ‘Thank you, mom’. But I didn’t think you heard me.

So loud were the beats pulsating through the headphones. Sufficient enough to drown out the noises I didn’t want to hear. It would be me, and the turmoil that could only be in my head. Every note has a meaning, yet it depends solely on the listener to carve out the intricate message behind the words, the rhythm of the drums, the rhapsody between the guitar and its base, the back up music, the inflection of the vocals, all woven in sync and symphony.

And if I don’t make it, know that I loved you all along. Just like sunny days that we ignored, because I was dumb and jaded. And I hope to God I’d figure out what was wrong. I walked around my room, thinking, and sinking in this box. Blaming myself for being so much like somebody else. So now I’ll just be me. I will walk through that door and kiss you, and whisper the things I hoped you’d like to hear.

But before that, the volume goes up a notch, the sounds get muted and I’m drowning in my own emotions as my body seeps the cold from the white marble floor. The same songs replay over and over again, as if the hand of God was handling my Windows Media Player, which was set on to shuffle and repeat.

You’re falling back to me, the star that I can see. I know you’re out there, somewhere out there… I know, I know… And so as the song ends, I throw away the headphones and step to face the only being I wanted to see at the moment with grim determination.

How many times you wished you were strong, have they ever seen your heart? Have they ever seen your pain? Oh life is waiting for you, its all messed up but we’re alive. Oh life is waiting for you, its all messed up, but we’ll survive. I know you will, because I know that beating heart that lies within you so well.

You were lying in bed, not crying – thankfully. I crept up slowly like I used to in the years bygone, and put my arms around you. I kissed your face and whispered in your ear ‘I’m sorry’. Then, I left. The door swung shut on its hinges, the deed was done. Once again I reached for the headphones, turned up the volume, and all sounds were muted.

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First creative piece in a long while, hope I haven't gone rusty on inspiration.