Precognition

It appears that my body will only go through so much abuse until slightly past 4 am. After I was sure the painful parts were over, - I've done 500 plus out of the 700 plus pages bu then - I settled the book down and lay looking at the ceiling, at the light. Now that I recall I vaguely remember the room seeming to spin on the horizontal plane, like a boat out in the ocean - I'm thinking of Billy Joel's Goodnight My Angel. haha. Then I was out.

Someone must have turned out the light while I was out cold, because I was totally out. And I woke at 9.

I cannot begin to convey how incredibly strange I become when I do dive into a good book. I would laugh out loud, or giggle, my eyes would occasionally widen in horror and I'd gasp, with my mouth forming a soft 'o'. But most terrifying, was that if the emotions were just right, I'd cry. With Breaking Dawn, I would tear up just a bit, and that was normal. New Moon was scary.

But now it's even stranger, because I didn't feel anything. Just a minute ago Ken IMed me, elated that he was to be flying off to the US. Deep deep down somewhere, I knew I should be happy for him, and I was. I just didn't feel enough of it. Like someone had just pulled a plug on my emotions, draining me. Somehow I know this calm cannot last, not for me. It was disturbing, abnormal even, for me to not show some sort of emotion. As it is, I am a passionate person by nature.

I feel like I'm sitting lotus-style on a sharp precipice which promised a hard fall either way. On my left would be immense hurt, pain and suffering. Mentally, I would probably suffer. On my right was immense joy and elation. Insanity.

It doesn't make sense now, but I know I'm anticipating something.

It would not be very pretty.