FAQ

Why does Aileen always emo here?
No doubt this is spurred by Ms Jessica-Chestnut, but I'm going to just say it ANYWAY... Because, my blog is my refuge, it was never created as a public entertainment place. So I don't blog to please the public (most of the time anyway, haha!), but rather to release emotional and mental stress or tension that threatens to engulf me in its depressing arms.

OMG, has Aileen turned into a poor depressed soul?
Well, no. Usually, I'm a very happy and hyperactive and just refuse to shut up. Also, I'm annoying and extremely weird. But there are just some things that can't be expressed see? So here it all goes. So don't worry... Aileen is still here =D

Well, thats all for now, I'm blogging from my tuition center and class is about to start, ciao!

Mungkinkah saya perlu mula blog dengan menggunakan Bahasa Melayu? Kerana saya ingin meningkatkan prestasi penulisan saya... Mungkinlah...

of mirrors and perceptions

Can't live with them, can't live without them, is a true enough phrase for everything : parents, siblings, teachers (and let me let out a personal gasp here), and the opposite sex. But mirrors? Well lets just say, the instinctively vain, self-obsessed person such as I could never dream of a life without mirrors. How then, would I visually dissect myself (albeit secretly) and poke at the unsightly bulges tarnishing my otherwise image? How would I be able to schizophrenicly debate with myself whether the said bulges are actually fat, or muscle? Its really rather sad that the human biomechanics limits natural flexibility and contortion, else I would have been able to do a near 360 degree turn with my head, just like an owl; thus dismissing the need for mirrors.

Yet with the existence of mirrors, one can't help but to COMPARE. Once we get a glimpse of ourselves, we just can't stave the need to analyse others and compare them with ourselves. Then again, its all about the perception, isn't it? Mirrors merely show us whats there, but its really about what we see in them that matters. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Nevertheless, some outspoken perceptions make some bloody hypocrites. One gorgeous example, is my own mother. Every mother's child is beautiful to them, right? Well, you're wrong there. Some popular phrases of my mothers are 'You used to be so beautiful when you were young, you're skin was so fair and smooth. Why la...' and 'Have you been eating right? Look at Vi-Jean's skin, and look at YOURS.' Oh, here's a nice one, pay attention 'Amirah has lost her baby fat, her cheekbones are more prominent, she looks exotic now.' And the irony is, Amirah's mom thinks I'M pretty. No kidding... No prompting or unnecessary torture needed.

'Aileen, you know, my mom thinks you're pretty.' And I was about to saviour a bun for recess too. I froze - literally. 'What?' Mind you my reactions have slowed considerably, definitely signs of amature ageing, or some exotic, undiscovered benign disease that slowly eats your mentality. 'YEAH,' she says, as if it means something to me 'she's going on about how 'the guys will go gaga over her'' and that ass gives me an irritating indicative look which i return - with raised eyebrows. 'Do you see any guys?' And we laugh. Haha! Totally candid. Laughing at the irony, and how our moms are so different, yet so similar. Oh, and you know the best part? Her mom calls Vi-Jean 'her willowy friend', while my mom thinks she's gorgeous.

Honestly, I think I'll faint from all the excitement *does the dramatic faint, complete with hand-on-forehead and hand-outstretched*

OK, now to the updates. Was at Taylor's for their Learning Circle for How to Make Popcorn the Chemical Way. Funnn

The nice German-ish guy and the famed Popcorn Machine!

Lookat the popcorn whizzing up to meet our mouths! Fly popcorn, fly!


PRS rock =D Our shirts look luminescent.. Kewl!

And here I am at HELP Institute, for a Law Olympiad... Met Ken and Sai there... Ken said Debra was there... But I didn't see her, oh well =/

MY CAMERA LIGHTING SUCKS. period.

makes me wonder

It's not easy when I miss you

Coz I never know if you're missing me back

It's not easy when I tell my friends I do

Because they'll ask 'Doesn't he sms or call?'

and I have to say no.

People ask me if I'm with you And I tell them 'I dunno'
Even if I so badly want to tell them 'yes'

All the little things you do for me

And think I never realised,

because I'm not good with words

All those little cryptic personal messages

I can't help thinking they're about me, for me

But then, what if they aren't?

It's all the things that you do
And the things you never did

Its hard not knowing if you cared...

Not knowing if it was worth waiting

What if you kept me waiting forever?

Maybe you do love me

But if you did

Why haven't you told me?

Maybe you cared

But why wasn't I informed?

There were signs........

But what if I was wrong?

You can't expect me to ask again
Once is enough

Recently I sat in a cinema

Watching the couple in front embrace

Wishing you were there

But I guess, you wouldn't have done anything anyway

I used to tell myself

That I would be happy, even if we were just friends

Well...

I'm not so sure anymore

That day when I said I hated you
I did
I hated you for keeping me waiting
But come to think of it
Maybe I just hated myself
For being a dumb ass

I tried not talking to you Just to see

If you would do something about it

I ended up starting the conversation anyway

But its those things....
Like forgetting my birthday
Ending sms conversations abruptly
All the little things
You did
And didn't do
It makes me wonder...
Do you even care?
Or does it seem like I'm the only one trying?

If you wanted me, you should let me know
If you don't, you'd better let me know

You tell me I work too hard

But did you know? I was trying to get you out of my head

It actually doesn't work

Coz everytime I lay down to rest

It hits me so hard.....

I cry...

Behind the humor, I'm sad
Sad because I don't know
I don't who why I've been waiting so long
Not really knowing what I was waiting for

I write this stupid thing that you might never read. But if you do I hope you realise that there is this void that has been reserved, and I can't seem to fill it up with anything else, no matter what I do. There's all this confusion in me, not knowing if you felt the same... And I can't seem to channel it anywhere else.

Tagged by Keith

1. Do you ever lie about your age?
No

2. Do you prefer "sensitive boys"or "tough guys"?
A lil of both... Is that allowed?? XD

3. Do you prefer blonde or dark haired guys?
Dark haired. I still think blonds are bimbos.. Girls, guys and everything in between

4. Are you currently single?
I don't know.. Ask the stupid idiot... grr

5. How many things in your past do you regret?
Can't count... Don't wanna count

6. Do you have a best friend?
How about... Too many? =P

7. What do you want to be when you grow up
DBKL Manager! haha, ok i totally ripped Michelle's dream job

8. Who was the last person you hugged?
I think it was Audrey... Or was it Hui Ning...?? I don't recall o.O

9. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Duh

10. Have you ever thought about having plastic surgery?
Yeah... But I got no intestines to do it

11. Do you like your life?
DEEEPENDS....

12. Do you shop at Hollister?
Urh.... what?

13. Has one of your friends ever stolen a girlfriend from you?
this is ghey... but if its friends... well, no.

14. Has one of your friends ever stabbed you in the back?
No, not that I recall... Funny ain't it? Or maybe its a 'forgive and forget thing'.. Yea, I know, pathetic

15. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
An equal amount I guess... Hard to tell =D But I lurrrve them all!

16. How long have you had friendster?
Standard 6. Thinking of killing it permanently though.... Its lame with a capital L

17. Have you ever cheated on someone?
Yeah... And I ain't proud of it

18. Has anyone ever cheated on you?
There's this once... But I'm not sure its cheating... A lot of lying tho, Bastard(whoops!)

19. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
Yeah... Yew Jin, last year.. Sorry! ><

20. What is one of your biggest fears?
Spiders o.O

21. Have you ever skipped class?
Yeah. Form 2 especially.. Not anymore tho =)

22. Has anyone close to you ever passed away?
My grandpa, aunt, uncle... My old fishes, tortoises... the lot XD

23. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Who hasn't?

24. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
Another idiot.

25. Do you believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
Owh shut up...

26. Have you ever had a good feeling about something and it turned out that you were right?
Often... Very often

27. Do you ever wish you were famous?
Aren't I already? XD

28. Do u ever wish u were a woman?
I'm going to be.... Not too soon tho, I'm enjoying myself too much. Hahaha!

29. Do you think men smell nice in cologne?
Not the overly strong type. Then, they stink... badly

30.The moment of terror!
I tag the few loyalists of my blog... Namely Pui Ying, Huey Shan, Zunny, (ala wanted to say Keith, almost), the Sexylicious.... EVERYBODY!!

Oh... CONGRATS KEITH!! *nudge*nudge*wink* =D

You'll always be my girlfriend... No matter how weird you think it is. HAH!

Thanks for everything... The emergency outings and all...

And I'M SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF YOU! (ok, that was ghey, but whatever ok?)
.
.
.
.
.
Am I so pathetic, that I rely on other's happiness and good tidings to keep me afloat? Its genuine, no doubt...

But why can't I be happy with MY life? Coz its either too much, or there's something missing...

I can't believe blogging has become a second priority to me. And I bet now my blog is like... Super duper quadruple unpopular.


buT............. kaching!
Aileen the Magnificently Beautiful - *coughs*coughs*hacks*coughs*, has devised a superbly deviously devious ingenious plan to gauge blog response!

Haha. OK, so my dad popped THE question...

NO, I'm not getting engaged to some awesomely rich, handsome, dashing young man... (i wish)

Or getting a new phone

OR shifting

OR SHOPPING...

but,


HAHAHA..... AUSTRALIA or NEW ZEALAND? For a holiday, end of this year or next.
Och yeuh, include why too =)

So far for me, its Australia... I mean, summer (ew, tan is no no), beach = GUYS. Lots and lots of em. Wooot! And I won't actually look like, overly flabby or muffin topped there, according to Advisor 1. And I can shop for Roxy and Billabong without incinirating my purse, according to Advisor 2.

Oh Well...

Life isn't getting easier

....1 Why won't you believe in me?

....2 Why do you believe in me?

....3 Why don't I trust me?

Superman

Say hello to the new and beautiful President of the Unit Bimbingan Sekolah (UBS)...

So it has happened, as was foreseen.

It is the step towards the unknown... 'Two roads diverge on a narrow path...'

And of all the smiles on show, I am afraid.

Afraid that I cannot hold my family together.

What if, what if, what if..?

Oh Ebenezer Abel Paul, thy art the monument of strength and charisma.

How can I possibly compare?

It's not easy to be me................................................................... but its even harder to be you.