9th kyc day 4

I dreaded this day. I hate goodbyes, its oh so depressing, and I don’t handle depression well. Trudged back to the dorm with Brian, my whole body was aching, and we moved at a snails pace. It took absolutely an eternity to reach. When the rest caught up with us we were still halfway there! Talk about retardedness. Unfortunately the rest of the day sped through like a bullet train. Before we knew it we had another photo shoot with your 9^th KYC t-shirts. Then its off to the hall for the last time for Pursuit of Excellence, the last value. Mrs President gave a speech, and I bet many were struggling to pay attention and failing miserably. What really woke the crowd was when the lights dimmed and they played all the pictures of camp with music accompaniments. Plenty of laughs there.

Last was the Circle of Excellence, where all of us linked hands and was told to make eye contact (wth?). It was followed by dismissal and lots of hugs, and goodbyes.

4 hugs a day – survival

8 hugs a day – comfort

12 hugs a day – pure joy

Abi said Keith was SO going into my bus. I said, NO WAY. So we bet, and *drum rolls* I lost. I still owe her 10 buckeroonies then. Darn… But the bus ride was eventful, Ken and I struggled to finish Abi’s book, Megan Maede’s Guide to the McGowen Boys , and oh so falling flat on our faces. Camwhored a hell lot in the bus!

Andy sesat! Wrong bus yo! Nah, just kidding...

Me, Nisha, Vina.

~We are oh.so.CuTe! ehee~

Vina, Natalie, Nisha, Keith, Nicholas.

~ nice... formation (Nat must have pinched Keith =P) ~

~ WHOA... the bus is tilting! Hey... I can see my house from here XD ~

~ I think Ken gave Justin nightmares ~

So we reached our pick-up point all too soon… This calls for one thing, and only one thing! MORE HUGS AND PICTURES! Woot!

Justin, Nabilah, Iman, Sheryiin, Nicholas, 'somebody', Melody, Keith, Natalie, 'somebody'
~ SFs!! Gotta lurve em! ~

~ Ethan, your breath stinks! Poor Vina... haha ~

~ WORLD DOMINATION! cheerleaders rawk ~

The End

Woke up at 6. Decided to check out where the guys dorms were. Guys, don’t look at me like that… you know I wouldn’t do anything unwanted… I just wanted to SEE. So I made my way out of the females confined area and headed to the direction of my destination. I’ve seen guys go that way OK… Well, on the way something freaky happened. The fencing was zinc, and you know the loud, echoing sound zinc stuff makes when something collides into it? Well, I heard that. The alley was shrouded in semi-darkness, so I thought… OK, its those stupid cats fighting or sleep walking or something, nothing to worry about. Took a deep deep breath, and three steps later… BANG! I swear it was louder this time. To convince myself, I actually went to peer into that area but did not see anything, and as I looked, that part of the fence went BANG!!! Again… I was officially freaked out, so I half ran to the open area between the two dorms. At least there was light there, any somethings would have a hard time scaring me. So I stayed there, alone, trying to stop my heart enough so it doesn’t come out. Upwards, downwards or through my chest. Lol.

Stretching was in the hall, it was drizzling. Fortunately rafting and high ropes was still on. Cheers dominated the little ‘Oh man…’s’ First up was rafting. No problem, I mean, I’ve done this before. TWICE. Right?? OK… *holds two ends of rope* now where does this go? Oh, it was supposed to CONNECT the plank and barrel?? *blink* okok… Kok Kuan, Izzat and Julian ended up doing most of the work… Due to their uncanny ability to remember what-goes-where after the instructor showed us. We girls were still struggling on one end even after they’ve done the other three. And that didn’t turn out so well either, and had to be redone. Sigh… We so did try! Nevertheless we DID help whenever possible! It actually turned out quite sturdy, but the instructor just had to use our raft as a stage to shout out further instructions. My neighbourhood was holding our breath and biting fingernails, you could see the plank literally bend under pressure! Fortunately, it held.

The water, on the other hand, was brown to the extreme, and there was red oil actually visible on the surface. It was terrible. Ken said the waste products from camp actually go there… Urh, lets try not to think about it shall we? Our team was the last to kick off. At first we thought X-treme Survivors were just having trouble coordinating the paddles and positions or something, because they were moving an inch per minute! My team, especially Kok Kuan, was trying to be competitive and urged our team to go forward, ‘Cut them! Cut them la!’ he said. Idiot. I was literally the captian of this ship, and you all do what I say!! I told them NO. Absolutely not! Boost them, aren’t we in a Key Leader camp?! And guess what… the listened! Wow, OK, I never knew I had it in me XD… But still, the raft in front caused a super traffic jam for us, and I saw Ken shift his place, and Andy shouting… Actually, I think most of them were shouting themselves hoarse. Poor people… Turned out two of their barrels had holes in them! -sadness-

I AM SO PROUD OF THE GINGERBREAD MEN!

The only thing that got me irritated was the teams lack of enthusiasm on the cheering department. I feel so stupid, just trying to get them to cheer all the time. I will not let my neighbourhood be labeled as pathetic. Never.

High ropes was fun. It wasn’t nerve-wrecking at all! The only one that comes close to getting on my hopeless nerves was the Flying Fox… But I went down dangling with my left hand holding on for dear life, but it was fun! Albeit that I ended the thing facing the wrong way… I still have the rope burns on my wrist to prove the friction!

At lunch time we had a photoshoot with our Key Leader t-shirts. It was fun!! Brian was on my left and he had a slightly nasty experience… There was this fat guy who was literally STICKING TO HIM, top to bottom, the whole time. Talk about body contact! Later found out that Julian had the same experience too! Hey, when they said, ‘Closer, closer!’ to fit us all in the frame, I’m sure they didn’t mean THAT close >

Our lessons today included Respect and Building Community. We got to see Larry again today on the projector. I forgot his girlfriends name, but they were so sweet together. Oh, Larry is a mentally retarded person who lives in Befort Street, who collects money for charity, but doesn’t take any for himself. What an example of selfless service! Bless him…

Touched up on our skit today. It turns out that Speedy Gonzales is a little mouse thingy who’s Mexican and is real naughty. So since our value is Building Community, we decided to do a Powerpuff Girl thing. Yours truly is Mojo Jojo, who creates the ultimate killing machine!! Speedy Gonzales, played by Tzen, the little kid in the group (excellent job!). So Blossom (Izzat), Bubbles (Kok Kuan) and Buttercup (Julian) come to save the day! Unfortunately, they are brought to their arses and fail!! *evil laugh* So the beloved citizens of Townsville come to seek vengeance with fails, bottles and penyapu lidi. How touching. So… I die, yeah.

I AM SO PROUD OF THE GINGERBREAD MEN!

Best part was dancing to some hiphop song I don’t really know, Las Ketchup, YMCA, our beloved Chicken Dance, and the Cha Cha! Ken deliberately swung his ass into my hip and boy did it hurt like crazy!! I could swear my hip broke and I was decapacitated by his asses boniness. Wanted an encore but didn’t get it. *whines*

The Circle of Appreciation was very touching. I gave a lot of good stuff when I could, because Julian kept talking and talking, and when its my turn, (he sits to my left) he leaves me struggling to comment on something he HASN’T said. Sweatness. Henin was the first to cry, a lot of people sobbed, Tzen was complaining of hunger, as usual… I cried, but I was smiling because I’m just so proud of the Gingerbread Man! *hugs* Kok Kuan was totally freaky though, I refused to acknowledge that fact, but when it was my turn to hold the candle, he kept staring at me! Like, leaning forward to stare!! I tried to lower my head as low as it goes without burning my hair, but it was totally, irrevocably, freaky.

Couldn’t sleep that night. Spent most of the time chatting with Julian and Ee Huey at the land between dorms. Henin mostly listened… Whoops. We procrastinated like crazy about Kok Kuan!! And Julian and I talked about Genting… Stupid Pontianak haunted house XD. But we soon found ourselves back in the hall – last night no curfew man! The way it should be! I absolutely refused to go back to my dorm (the curse of laziness) there… between napping and snapping pictures to waking up at seven and joining Chuin Xin, Jacky, Melody and Justin talking dirty all night…

I can't believe Brian dragged me into this. I so just woke up! At 3a.m!

9th kyc day 2

Day 2

There was a strange melody playing somewhere. It was soft, but somehow it awoken me. I forced open my eyelids and looked around. College-girl's handphone is ringing an alarm. Apparently she heard it too, and turned it off. Saw the time – shit, five thirty?! What a nutcase. Tried to go back to sleep, unsuccessfully. The masjid blared like a loudspeaker with many serious bugs. They must all be deaf, coz only I woke up. I never knew the prayers lasted so freegin long. Deshrivelled and totally annoyed, I decided, Oh What The Heck… So I woke up.

We started off with yoga exercises. It was excruciatingly painful, especially so early in the morning. Plus, my neighbourhood-mate's foot very nearly jammed into my vocal projector. Otherwise, I pulled it off with as much grace and dignity as ever possible in my situation.

Next was X-treme Teams, where the obstacle course beside the hall was utilized. It was great fun, and our team had some bonding time. Something crucially needed. When we got our card, which told us which obstacle we have to do in order, Nabilah was ecstatic. We got all the easy-peasy ones! No Tarzan thing over the water filled with tadpoles, no carrying-huge-teddy-bear-on-precarious-beams, no Thrust Fall!! We literally laughed out loud. There was only one ‘victim’ in our team – me. My left foot got soaked in the water, while doing that stepping stone thing. I was one of the blindfolded, have mercy on me! All the while we were behind X-treme Survivors (Andy, Nisha and Ken’s team), they took an eternity to finish the obstacles. Oh but I have a confession to make. We stole their ideas and gave them a makeover XD. Maybe that’s why we finished so fast. After we were done we slouched (I hopped on one foot, one hand holding my dirt water saturated shoe) to a… a hut I guess, and watched the world go by… Literally. We saw Iman fall from the Tarzan rope again, and again, and again… and…. Again. Later Julian pointed out that he saw this guy with a yellow shirt with his team at the Thrust Fall section on the other end, he caught his teammate, and then he LET HER GO! She fell right smack on her arse. Ouch. He even pointed out the girl, hanging on to a friend and limping in one direction. We all went, ‘Oh. My. God.’ at the same time.

We had hours to kill, so my neighbourhood decided to do something about our sketch. Value : Building Community. Special Character : Speedy Gonzales. Oh, the brain-deadness! No one seemed to know who or what Speedy Gonzales is… And our SF was missing. We went through a few ideas (OK, it was actually just me and Ee Huey. Julian backed us up. Hey, you gotta love them) and an idea about theft and community heroism stuck. It’s the best we could come up with, since we don’t even know WHAT or WHO our main character is… Why oh why didn’t we get James Bond or Red Indians??

Right. So later in the hall we had our Listening lesson. Met Jasmynn there, and Jas, if you ever read this, just want you to know that you’re a superb listener! We also had Personality Styles, and we were divided into groups. Abi, Nisha, Ken, Vina (I think) and I just stuck with being Collaberaters, even through all the situations Heidi bombed at us. It was easier, less movement and confusion. We even said we were toadally sure about our decision(s). I don’t think Heidi was very convinced =/. Oh well.

We also had this brain activity. It was hard, and my brain wasn’t functioning. If my neighbourhood wasn’t right smack at center front I would have dropped it and lay on the floor or something. Invisible dirt be damned!

Borrowed Abi’s book and red it with my torch. College girl beside me is on with her boyfriend again. What ter do… but roll my eyes and read.

kyc day 1

Day 1

Right, was one of the earliest at the meeting point. Didn’t see anybody particularly interesting, so kept to myself… Smsing Julian (not camp one) who also happens to have a camp at the same date. Boohoo. Later Nisha, Abi and their cousin, Sujesh arrived, and I was like.. Hmm, nice looking people. Kudos to them for coming over to avert my attention from my brother, who is, as usual, successfully annoying me. So in the bus I sat with Nisha, and Andy with Sujesh… When *tadaa* we met Ken, who was the first to start walking around doing that seriously dumb exercise where random people have to answer stupid questions and sign. Such a challenge, keeping your balance while attemping polite conversation AND write.

I was sure the bus got half lost and we passed some MRSM school on the way. But we made it there in one piece anyways. The Student Faci’s (SF’s) were there, giving us a warm welcome… They waved while we were still in the bus so… I waved back? Natural reaction? Oh well. So we had this debriefing, we got our t-shirts, sheet, files (love it, my name is printed on!) *shows file with one hand and pokes it with the other*.

Right… so during break me and Nisha bumped into Ken. I was so ecstatic, because he’s a cheerleader! And, I mean, come on, guy cheerleaders in Malaysia can be counted with your fingers. Just an expression Ken XD! So we had cheerleader talk, and we did a few flips, he could do round-offs and a scorpion and I was insanely jealous. Poor Nisha and Praevina aka Vina were like ‘I don’t know what you guys are talking about.’ Oh, Ken did some real slutty moves on the pole, and Abi caught it on her phone. She promised it would go on YouTube so when I get wind that its up its coming on here. Stay tuned!

Later Heidi led us through the Captain game, which was supposed to be fast moving but it turned out… not so fast. The Chicken Shake was darn fun though. We also had this Birthday Game, where everybody had to line up according to their birthdays without talking! Easily brushed aside, I mean, we wrote our birthdays and showed it to people. Kekekeke…

So then we were sobered up by putting us in groups and totally separating us from everything familiar. Lucky Ken, Nisha and Andy, they’re like, in the same neighbourhood (team)! I got stuck with a bunch of people I don’t know, all whom were insanely quiet, and I’m like, God, Help Me! But we managed, somehow to come up with a name and cheer. My neighbourhood is Gingerbread Man! And our cheer is ‘Run, run, as fast as you can… You can’t catch us we’re the Gingerbread Men!’ I thought it was quite cute, really. But when we had to present it it all came crashing down. Badly. And I was the one with the mike! The Horror, the pure horror!

From left : Ee Huey, Henin, Yours Truly, Wan Yi, 'Speedy Gonzales', Kok Kuan, Izzat, Nabilah (SF), Ei Von, Julian.








Nightmare-ish.

I couldn't sleep that night. I regretted not bringing a book, any book. And this college girl beside me is talking and talking to her boyfriend ALL-NIGHT LONG. Even when I finally fell asleep at about 1 she was still talking. Honestly! No consideration for others. And she was the only one who couldn't sleep with the lights off so in the end, all of us, being so darn nice... Couldn't sleep. *procrascinates*

dead

I can't freegin sleep, and in less then 36 hours I managed to kill myself and hurt all the people that actually matter to me. Am I good at this? Very. I'm the best there is, second to none, I'm number one. This is so depressing... I'm actually contemplating suicide for the first time. Though I know I have absolutely no guts whatsoever to carry it out.

I am so so bad at making decisions in a relationship I should win a Nobel prize. Hmm, no, that doesn't sound right. I deserve to be burned in the fiery pit of hell for causing pain. I'm very good at that too.

Trying not to remember things or I'll never sleep. Not that it's a bad thing, not sleeping. When I stay up overnight I get sick. Down with fever. Yay. So I'll just stay home sick for Christmas. Do I care? Not a bit. I love drowning in guilt and misery caused by non other that yours truly. For once this blog skin echos my mood. Black, dark, and empty.

What better way to end the holiday season. Julian is not talking to me, my best friend thinks I'm crazy and Keith begging me to stay.



I THINK I'LL GO RUIN MORE LIVES NOW. CHEERS.

omg

Man, 7 days to my piano exam. Not really nervous though... lalala.


Omigosh, read Kenneth's blog just now. Totally terrible, terrible. Well, I shan't tell his story, go to his blog and you'll see. But God, its just, disgusting.

Can't say much here, because I feel like cursing, and if I did, I'd have to censor everything here. Oooh, but I just have to say a few words.

The NERVE. How do they breed kids these days huh?




Oh, nevermind, just read his blog.




READ IT!

genting

Cenfad College of Art and Design
11th November 2006.

~ First graffiti attempt. Not too shabby eh? ~











Genting City of Entertainment
21st and 23rd November 2006

~ View from my hotel window. Breathtaking ~








~ Oh No, the books are attacking me! ~








~ show off's... ~








~ Wheeeee. Go-karting! ~








~ One hour later... ~

It's gotta start moving sometime...

It's slow alright. 10mph, sad-nyer...








~ Andy, stuck forever. Mwahahahaha ~








~ The End ~




I sat on the Flying Coaster for 5 rounds straight.
Andy nearly puked and kept swearing.
If I died here, at least its closer to heaven.
God forbid suicide.

I sat on the Astro something-something twice.
I'm flying!!

Went on the Corkscrew once.
Man, I think I left my guts up there.

Saw Mysteria.
Awesome-est show ever. And the most $$.
Guys danced like gays. - very gracefully.




HOME SWEET HOME
*sigh*

happy happy

Artist: Joey Scarbury Lyrics
Song: Theme from Greatest American Hero (Believe It or Not) Lyrics

Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself.
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
It should've been somebody else.

Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free eee eee.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.

It's like a light of a new day,
It came from out of the blue.
Breaking me out of the spell I was in,
Making all of my wishes come true ue ue.

Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free eee eee.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.


Hahahah, feeling happy happy today.

ONE
Jason is off my back for good. Shooh! Stay away!

TWO
I'm pretty much single-ish. Just a little tweeking left. But boy does it feel good...

THREE
I'm going to Genting tomorrow and will be back Thursday.

FOUR
The song is awesome. Good for a sunny day. =D

Hair Color

I'm ecstatic and worried at the same time. Is it even legal? Why? Because my mom promised to take me to my aunt's place, -who is an excellent home-made hair stylist, I might add- to dye my hair. Ecstatic I am, because I've never tried (rather, never Allowed) this before, so I'm just dying to know - haha, pun intended. Finally, dear momzee and daddee bent to the pressure *evil laugh*. I'm so proud to have parents who understand the need of adolescent curiousity, no, really.

Well, worried because, I haven't decided what colour highlight I want! I was toying with dark-ish blue, but I dropped it because I'd give my dad a heart attack. I like red, but my friend has done that before and I don't want to look like a copycat. Oh, the dilemma, the drama-not.

I'll leave it to her to be creative, as long as she doesn't chop my locks too much, or having me leave looking like I come from outer space. Definitely a no-no.

This blogger shall not be responsible for any form of hyperventilation, rude stares, or finger pointing the next time I hang out with friends, family, and/or associates.

You have been warned....

dinner.... bluek

‘Mom, I change my mind, I don’t want to go…’

And I nap in my room.

But that didn’t last, I couldn’t force my eyelids to close willingly anymore, and just lying here felt stupid. I tensed my muscles, ready to spring up.

‘Aileen,’ calls a familiar voice. I turn, an immediate reaction, and I see my mother towering over my form.

‘Get up, time to go,’ she said.

Tai Thong Imperial Chinese Restaurant, 7p.m. sharp

8.10p.m. – Is this an old folks reunion? I thought the card said 7 sharp! I don’t even know

the kids here, some luck. I’m contented with staring at the ceiling. Nice

lighting they got.

8.30p.m. – I feel the undeniable need to release tension building in my urinary tract. It

so happens, that they choose the exact time when I was about to get up, to ask

the guests to sit down. Lovely. Ear splitting music fills the restaurant, and the

happy couple stroll in on the red carpet. In the future, I’ll just get Linkin Park to

play at my wedding. Ah… music.

Had trouble locating the toilet. Honestly, put some signs up people! You’d
think they expected everyone to memorize their floor plan.

8.45p.m. – FOOD! The only dish I didn’t sample was the shark fin soup. You can’t make

me!

The food was good, but in between courses, the boredom slips in. Later at night, they start a karaoke on stage with God-knows-what songs in Mandarin, sung by senior citizens. The sound system makes it extra unbearable. Goodness me, I think I sense a migraine, but its probably also due to my littlest brother’s insistent whining, he wants to go home, bless him.

Two and a half glasses of wine, and a few sips of brandy – courtesy of my uncle – later, I patiently wait for my grandmother to finish her never-ending goodbye’s, and off we go! Really, I don’t fancy alcohol, but hey, the things you do when there’s nothing to do…

Home at last! Home sweet home, that’s the ticket.

dinner.... bluek

‘Mom, I change my mind, I don’t want to go…’

And I nap in my room.

But that didn’t last, I couldn’t force my eyelids to close willingly anymore, and just lying here felt stupid. I tensed my muscles, ready to spring up.

‘Aileen,’ calls a familiar voice. I turn, an immediate reaction, and I see my mother towering over my form.

‘Get up, time to go,’ she said.

Tai Thong Imperial Chinese Restaurant, 7p.m. sharp

8.10p.m. – Is this an old folks reunion? I thought the card said 7 sharp! I don’t even know

the kids here, some luck. I’m contented with staring at the ceiling. Nice

lighting they got.

8.30p.m. – I feel the undeniable need to release tension building in my urinary tract. It

so happens, that they choose the exact time when I was about to get up, to ask

the guests to sit down. Lovely. Ear splitting music fills the restaurant, and the

happy couple stroll in on the red carpet. In the future, I’ll just get Linkin Park to play at my wedding. Ah… music.

Had trouble locating the toilet. Honestly, put some signs up people! You’d

think they expected everyone to memorize their floor plan.

8.45p.m. – FOOD! The only dish I didn’t sample was the shark fin soup. You can’t make

Me!

The food was good, but in between courses, the boredom slips in. Later at night, they start a karaoke on stage with God-knows-what songs in Mandarin, sung by senior citizens. The sound system makes it extra unbearable. Goodness me, I think I sense a migraine, but its probably also due to my littlest brother’s insistent whining, he wants to go home, bless him.

Two and a half glasses of wine, and a few sips of brandy – courtesy of my uncle – later, I patiently wait for my grandmother to finish her never-ending goodbye’s, and off we go! Really, I don’t fancy alcohol, but hey, the things you do when there’s nothing to do…

Home at last! Home sweet home, that’s the ticket.

A table fan hummed in a corner, but it was the air conditioner on the wall which cooled the room. Above, a circular light, the size of a large serving plate lit the room with brilliant white light. On a queen sized bed lay a five year old child. My brother, sleeping soundly, not bothered by the loud voices of my mother and I, nor stirred when we occasionally giggled. I was entertained with stories about my parents relationship before matrimony, most which I still find hard to believe.

‘Aileen, it’s OK to like guys and to be liked,’ said mom, still in her slightly intoxicated mood. I waited, I knew she didn’t like to be disturbed when she was ranting, or nagging, or advising, I wouldn’t know, they sound the same, coming out of her vocal chords.

I smiled, and it was all she needed.

‘Of course, it’s not good to get too serious. You must always remember that you’ll meet many more people when you leave school, start working…’

I nodded, I heard this many times before.

‘Never let it get to your studies, when you get good grades and move on, and get a decent job, people will respect you. But if you get tied to someone so early, you’re going to regret it, it’s-’

‘Whoa, mom, your thinking too far, I think I’m having a headache. Besides, I know how to take care of myself.’ Oh, if only you knew. I contemplated silently. She had no idea how bluntly her no-boyfriend-till-after-SPM rule had been bluntly violated.

She waved my interruption aside.

‘Still, I know what you’re going through now, I’ve been there.’ She look like she was about to grin, but suppressed it in time.

‘It’s just a phase you are going through, it’ll pass’

* * *

I haven’t had anybody serious since you.

Why haven’t you?

Nothing. Just being bored with life, would love to end it. Don’t care about me…

Talk to your friends or something.

I don’t really talk to my friends anymore.

Then why do you call them friends?

I’d rather talk to my computer and mp4. If you don’t believe, you can ask Eliza.

What are you trying to say exactly…

Is there any chance that we can still be together?

It wouldn’t be fair… (shit)

Unfair in what sense, the feeling?

Yes. I wouldn’t be able to return it. What about giving and not receiving (open your eyes!)

I don’t mind. It’s been nearly a year, and I waited, I know that your ‘booked’ now. I can wait.

(Don’t be crazy you jerk. Just because you hinted that you’re suicidal doesn’t make things better. I’m not getting back together OK?! Go ahead, kill yourself, slit your wrists again for all I care. That’s right, I don’t care, I-am-not-responsible-for-your-crazy-endeavors!)

Oh, if only my heart was made of platinum. A highly non-reactive metal, then I wouldn’t be feeling all this guilt.

Telling myself it is not my fault isn’t working. But getting back together is not an option, or is it? I love someone else, and he loves me, or does he?

here we go again

Here comes that time of the year again...
Time to redesign a new layout
Over time I got sick of taking layouts from blogskins.com
I needed more individuality
Something that was ME.

ME, MYSELF, I.

Here comes that time of the year again...
Where I attempt to create my own
And all I succeed in getting

Is a DARN HEADACHE

Kudos to me ><

If i wrote

If I were to write the story of my birth, it wouldn’t be a first hand account. I don’t remember anything. It would have come from my mother, my father, or my aunt.

If I were to write the story of my childhood, I’d say it was carefree. But I made mistakes then. I broke my wrist playing on the monkey bar. Grazed myself a dozen times or more and brought many playmates to the dirt with me.

If I were to write a story of my teens, it would be colorful. There would be joy and happiness, elation and adrenaline, hurt and pain, laughter and tears. But its not complete.

If I were to write a story of my adulthood, -well, I can’t. *laughs*

If I were to write a story of my life, it will be MeSSy, because I can’t plan. It would be a literary eyesore and a headache for few.

If I were to write a story of my life, it would be long and winding. It would bore everyone to death, because I don’t write for their pleasure. There would be a lot of questions, but I will not answer, because it’s not for them to know.

If I were to write a story of my life, it would never end. Because I wouldn’t live in time to finish it.

My death?

I haven’t died. How should I know?!

Review

Right. Life goes on... I'm still muled over Twilight. Though not as insanely, crazily, nearly unexplainably addicted to it as I was before, but still, I think it was the best book ever published. Shame isn't it? Just a few weeks before I though Eragon and Eldest were the thing.

So anyway, since reading the book, I've been itching to get my hands on New Moon, the second edition. Each time I passed a bookstore I would automatically search for Twilight, hoping that New Moon would accompany it on the shelves, like a perfect couple. OK, not couple, because Midnight Sun is really the bethrothed of Twilight. For you dunderheads out there (just kidding), Twilight is the main version, Bella's version, the girl side of the story. Midnight Sun, however is the... how shall I put it, the sub-version. Its the exact same storyline, exact sequence of events, but this time, Edward (also the main character) is the story-teller.

I shall launch into review, (hey, I'm sure thats not violating the copyrights). Let's start with Twilight. (ehem)

Isabella Marie Swan (Bella) chooses to move to Forks, Washington to live with her dad even though she positively detesses that place. Her mom, (Rene'e) just got remarried to Phil, who is a minor league basketball player and the two of them are off to Florida to get Phil signed up. So off she goes to live it out with Charlie (her dad).

Charlie gets her a red truck, which she is fond off, signs her up for Forks High School.

First impression Edward presented was not so good. They had Biology together, and he gave her a totally antagonist look, and stiffened throughout the whole class. He never relaxed and dashed out when it ended.

All in all, they got together. I shall refrain from further analysis for the fear of bugging innocent readers. They were happy UNTIL James came into the picture. He spotted Bella with the Cullens (Edward's family) and wanted to attack her. Naturally, Edward stepped in front of her and a growling match started. Apparently, James was a tracker, so when Edward stepped up to defend Bella, and the rest of the Cullen's were also intent on protecting this silly human. To him, it was a game, and with Edward, it was even more fun. A challenge.

And so a cat and mouse chase begins. Edward has to leave Bella for a while, to lead James off her trail. Jame's mate, Victoria, was circling Bella's house, and Esme and Rosalie were at Forks, keeping an eye on her dad. But James was one step ahead. He tricked Bella into leaving the vampire's with the threat that he had her mom. It was a trap. Bella suffered 4 broken ribs, a broken leg, a few cracks on the skull and bruises everywhere before Edward came. Well, what did you expect? The hero HAS to arrive right? So that's just about it.

Oh, Bella is afraid of getting old while Edward stays young forever. She's paranoid, in fact. She wants to be with him forever. (God, that sounded corny) But Edward was having none of it. He forcefully refuses to even consider it. So there. The story ends. Sad though, life for them would have been a lot easier if Edward wasn't such a thinker....

I have decided not to post Twilight due to copyright reasons. As reminded by my friend, Amirah. Thank you dear. Sorry folks!

Twilight

Seriously, I feel like I'm promoting the book. But just in any case, the story was so beautiful it touched me. So I just have the urge to share the love.

Twilight will be posted, word by word.

Exactly as told by Stephanie Meyer in the first of a series.


Isabella Swan, (mostly known as Bella), decides to move from sunny Phoenix, Arizona to rainy Forks, Washington to live with her father, who she has not spent time with in years. Bella does this to enable her mother to travel with her new husband, a minor league baseball player. Never having had many friends before, at Bella's new school she is quickly accepted, and finds she has several boys competing for her attention. However, Bella continues to hate the town, which is too different from her home in Phoenix. The exception is Edward Cullen, the beautiful and mysterious boy she sits next to in her biology class. The enigmatic Cullen family, all of whom are beautiful enough to be models, have the reputation of being very reserved and clannish. From her first experience with Edward, when he flashes her a look of pure hatred, to his attempts to be moved from Bella's class, she finds herself unable to stop thinking of him. Through careful observation, Bella realizes that Edward is not quite normal, but despite having many theories cannot bring herself to believe that there is a supernatural explanation for Edward's behavior.

Boyfriend

It was first day of the mid-year exams, therefore i finished school a little earlier, i called him,

:Hey, i finished school earlier today, would you come by and pick me up?


:Alright, give me 5 minutes.


:5 minutes? But my school is just beside your house.


:I need to get ready.


:Alright, make it fast then.


2pm in the afternoon, the sun is extremely hot, I stood under a shaded tree and fan myself.


Although it doesn't make much of a difference, it was better that I fanned.


5 minutes have passed, he's still did not shown up, I was a lil' unhappy while looking at my watch.


10 minutes and he's still not here....could it be that he was met with an accident?


15 minutes passed, and he finally shown up.


:Why are you so late?


He wasn't even the least bothered: Nahz, was watching TV.


:What?! TV?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and eat before you come down then?


I haven't got anything else to say for that, didn't take the helmet he handed me but stood there and stared at him.


:Sorry.


This was the first time he said sorry to me...


He is an egoistical person all along and has never once apologised to a girl.


I looked at him, Alright, took the helmet and let him sent me home.


He is always acting like this, no explanations, no friction, no quarrels.


The only thing he does is to apologise. To me, somethings can't be settled with a sorry.


I would never go on asking after everytime he apologises.


He told me, that was the first time he said sorry to a girl.


Although it take courage to admit mistakes, he never once corrected his mistakes.


Saying sorry became a word to shut me up instead.


Tears flowed down my cheeks on the 59th time he apologised.


I dropped my head: you don't ever need to say sorry to me again.


If you can never change, then don't let me keep giving you chances again and again hoping and believing that you will change each time.


He held me lightly, and said the 60th sorry.


Even then, he did not change, and there was no explanation whatsoever.


I began to worry if there was something he was keeping from me.


:What's wrong with you these few days?


:Nothing.


:Then why are you acting so strange?


:I am not.


:What can you say other than this answer? Do you know that I'm very worried, very insecure. Do you treat me as your girlfriend?


:I'm sorry...


:I don't want to hear you say sorry again.


I put down the phone. He did not call back.


He doesn't even care about me. Maybe we should....break up.


.....this was the 99th time he said sorry...


From that day onwards, I never once called me or went to look for him.


Sometimes I get an anonymous phone call


but everytime I said hello, it was dead, i think it's a call from him, but why doesn't he speak up?


After one month have passed, I couldn't contain the feelings I still had for him anymore and went to his school to find him.


I waited outside his classroom and looked around, but there was no sign of him.


:excuse me, is XOXO here today?


:I'm afraid he already stopped schooling.


:Huh? Why? When was that?


:He hasn't been in school for a month already.


:Oh erms...thanks.


One month....not in school for one month...why is that so? I stumbled home.


Called his hp: Sorry the caller is currently unavailable, please leave your message after the tone....


I put down the phone, and called his house next, but there was no answer.


How can it be? The whole family migrated?


It seems as though he has already disappeared from the face on the earth leaving and not even a single trace.


I couldn't find him....just as I was feeling distraughted, the phone suddenly sounded, it was my friend.


He was one of his brothers and also my good friend.


:Hey, what have you been doing? XOXO is in hospital.


:REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED?


:Oh he is in ZZ hospital, the one you stayed in last time.


:I'll be right there.


I used the fastest speed my legs could carry and when I reached the hospital I saw that his parents were already there.


I asked them for the room number and flew across the hall.


He was lying on bed, looking at me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle,


:Hey, what happened to you? Why didn't you contact me?


He did not answer, and used the same stare on me again.


:Come on answer me...why don't you speak?


A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it looked as though he used the greatest amount of strength that he could master to say...


:I'm...sorry...


After that, his eyes went shut.


:Hey, don't fool around alright...why say sorry to me? Don't say sorry to me....please wake up....answer me please.


I wept and fell down on the side of his bed, pulling his shirt as I cried out..


:Why do you have to apologise? Why don't you give me an explanation instead? I won't forgive you, wake up, saying sorry is no use...


:If you don't wake up I'll never ever forgive you in this lifetime, please I beg of you..open your eyes.....


That was the 100th sorry


A group of medical staff, doctors, nurses pulled me away and tried to revive him. I had no strength to stand up...


My mind was a blank.... my eyes could only see a sea of black.


He did not leave this world...I merely lost the chance to touch him anymore.


But he would appear in my dreams sometimes, telling me how he was doing.


He's still accompaning me, still alive, in my heart.


He would still laugh at my silliness, and call me his darling....just that...he never apologise to me anymore.


After a month, his mom came to look for me, and gave me a box...inside was


a 100 photographs, everyone had a story behind them..the reasons why he made me angry.


The first time, my dear, I did not purposely arrive late to pick you up.


I know this excuse is really lame, but I didn't have the heart to tell you the truth then,


before I stepped out of the house, I felt a pain in my chest, but I still made it a point to meet you, please forgive me?


The second time, my dear, I...


The third time, my dear, I...


The 100th time, my dear, I didn't mean to leave you alone in this world,


It had to be so because God did not give me the chance to say I Love You for this lifetime of mine, and to put the ring on your finger....


You are the first girl I apologised to.


And also the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my life...


Forgive me for not able to bring you happiness but I have thus become your angel, always looking out for you...


Looking at you while you find your happiness...promise me...don't shed a tear...


I don't want to see you weep like this for me, I Love You ~XOXO


How can I not cry? What you said was just too impossible.


The last photograph was of him in the hospital,


Although he was skinny, the smile on his face was bright as ever.


His face was white and yet he tried his best to give his last smile on the last photo, the 100th.


At the time when he needed me the most, I wasn't with him.


:I'm sorry.


I held the photo tightly and cried for us.....





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This story was taken from a chinese letter from my pen-pal i knew long ago, this was her story but unfortuanately, I cant show her pictures or her boyfriend nor their names. it was in chinese i took awhile to translate the words....if there's some grammatical or spelling mistakes i'm sorry ok? I've tried my best...it was traditional chinese...the taiwanese type.

I guess everything comes with a reason...but what's the point of driving it out of someone if it's something you don't want to hear in the first place? "I want the truth" ---so easy to say but so difficult to accept.

Note : I received this chain letter as an email. This person has no connections whatsoever with me. Aileen. I know this sounds cheesy, but what can I say? I'm just a girl right?

Part 3

On the roof, a silent figure sat up, her expression unreadable. Soon they would find her. Releasing a soft sigh, she stood up. With a resolute look in her eyes, she prepared herself for the greatest journey. My job here is done, she thought. But I must admit, I am rather fed up with this arrangement. She chuckled at this thought. The ledge felt cool to the touch of her feet. Balancing gracefully, she took a moment to take a deep breath. Not out of fear, she was savoring the moment. Then, with another sigh, she tipped over the edge.

Her body was never found.

‘You have done well, my child,’ the Old One regarded her smilingly. ‘I did as I was told,’ Brenda said softly, looking down. They were in a vast library, filled with scrolls. At one of the many tables there, -which was merely a floating top with no visible legs- the old man continued his writing. He looked up suddenly, frowning. ‘How shall I categorize you? A crazy human, a fallen angel, or something more exotic?’ He chuckled. But his expression soon became serious. ‘You played your part well at first. The council almost approved of giving you a second chance. What happened?’ It was a questioned that had to be answered. Brenda took a deep breath, composing her thoughts. This was not going to be easy. ‘I prefer to stay here, with him.’ ‘Ah…’ the Old One mused, contemplating. ‘I admit, They have been a little rough on you, making you watch him die again.’ A gong resonated in the still silence. ‘Come.’

There's an epilogue... =P

alone-p2

Part 2

‘Brenda, come here sweetheart’. A voice, as lovely as the woman who speaks them, calls a child, disturbing her play. She turns to the sound of her mother’s voice, and runs to her. Arms opened wide, ready to embrace, closes on thin air. Brenda opens her eyes to find herself, in a cemetery. Two tombstones block her way. They read, “Forever loved.” Below, was her parents name, engraved in gold. Blinded by tears, she runs away. She runs until she cannot stand it. The last thing she saw was the pale blue sky.

Young Brenda opens her eyes to find herself in a room. Sweet smells fill her nostrils, a smell of sweet fragrance fills the room. Enough to make its presence known, but not as intrusive as the choking smell of cologne. Then there was another smell, a smell that made her aware of the hunger than gnawed her insides. Cooking. The aromatic smell of food on a stove. She had awoken in an orphanage. Days, months, and years flew by. Then there was a boy, but he soon passed away of leukemia. Numbed, Brenda confined herself to her bedroom. She only left to pass motion, food was brought in by the matron. Most of the time, it was ignored. An autumn later, she left for the first time, to visit her sweetheart’s grave. She returned to find the beautiful building blackened, destroyed, burned. All that was left was its horrid skeleton. Since then, she was brought to the asylum.

In that white building, with smiling people, He often came to her, speaking soft, soothing words that eased the turmoil in her empty soul. She never saw his face, but she didn’t need to, his words were more than enough. Soon, she started speaking to him as well, and was replied, most of the time. Meals were slipped in thrice a day, and recreation times were spent in isolation. The psychiatrists were worried. She alone had not learnt to interact with another humanly being. So they decided to get rid of Him. It was for her own good, it would help her get better.

To Be Continued...

alone-p1

Part One

The door swung open easily at the touch of her hand. Chill wind caresses her face and brings life to her hair. Around her, shadows stand out everywhere. But she ignores them, they are only stationary objects, appearing darker than the night. Down below, horns and traffic pollute the streets, but up here, they sound magically muffled. It is almost quiet. Peaceful. But all this does not register in Brenda’s mind. Darkness seems thicker around this girl. Her hospital gown blows around in the freezing wind, yet, all feeling seems to have left her. She stares into the hills, now just dark blotches against the starry night.

It’s impossible to gauge her expression, for her porcelain face was blank, shoulders slack. It was a pose she readily stuck to, day after day.

However, in a moment that impression was gone. Her jaw was set, and her eyes sparkled with tears. No one will understand. She needed Him, no one else. With no family, no friends, He was the only one who she could cling to. I hate them, what did they do to you, my friend? What did they tell you, to make you go? They must have forced you, you would never leave me. Never.

To be continued

World trade center

World Trade Center - The United State's dramatization of the September 11th bombings. It just goes to show how much they pride their ego's. Only this part of the world would even consider making money out of a tragidy, no? Did any country make a gimmick out of the December 26th tsunami which hit Southeast Asia and even devestated coasts of Africa? Nobody is making a really big fuss about it now, the news has died down. Let the dead lie, and the living continue in peace. Compared to the September 11th bombings, that was quite a minor accident. Just look at the number of people who died? I've no need to state the facts, any civilised person would have been able to gauge the difference in numbers. Only the Americans are still making a big hoo-ha about all this.

And have you noticed where this has lead to? What's with all this publicity? Doesn't this veto country have enough funds to cover the damages? They are all pointing fingers at the Afghanistan terrorists, perhaps demanding justice. What about all those innocent lives they took while their troops marched over the Middle East, in particular, Afghanistan, and took not only lives of the soldiers, but also innocent women, children. It is only logical that they fight back. After all, do we see Afghanistans reporting to the whole world how they have been mistreated? Well, maybe they have been cases, but yet again, it is a meagre comparison to the United States. It goes to show that every year since then, there has been at least one meeting where the terrors of Afghanistan have been mentioned. Especially by You-Know-Who.

To put it mildly, I, for one, do not understand the nessesity of making such a big fuss. Sure, a few lives have been lost, national security is challenged. But what they do not realise is that THEY started all this. THEY invaded Iraq with accusations of possessing dangerous nuclear weapons. THEY bombed buildings and destroyed their land. THEY took lives of innocents. THEY were the flint to the match. THEY struck it, and started a fire. How would any human feel if their country was ravanged and fingers pointed on their chests. Being backed into a corner, they did all that there was left to do... They fought back. World Trade Center-A True Story of Courage and Survival? You decide.

Excuses and PMR

Well, well, well, PMR is over! However, I someone to remind me that there are other things worth living for besides studying. I swear, They brainwashed me! I escaped. Barely. For the last paper I was so fidgety, I don't think I payed enough attention. The teacher took F-O-R-E-V-E-R to collect and count the papers. The opposite room was already filing out when she was steadily counting our papers. As if she'll find more or less than 25. Didn't she have enough time to count and recount the number of prisoners for the last one and half hours??

Blog is officially reopened... Due to expected over-boredom, I may change the layout soon. Cheers!

closed

I, Chew Aileen, declare this blog closed until further notice.
Absolute-Secrecy shall reopen on 7th October 2006.
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Note : Update and maintainence may commence from the stated date. =D

Jamuan Perpisahan

I love our counselling unit.... *sigh* On the 'last day of school' we had our Jamuan Perpisahan for the Form 5 retirees. We didn't really bother, it was time for FUN FUN FUN! Camera's UP!


Here are the normal pictures for you to feast your eyes on. The fun is just beginning.

What's an event without a group picture? The three look-a-likes. 8 years and still going strong (whats with your shoulders??) We're not ready! Candid! Vj's getting onto a chair. NoW we're ready. Yes, yes, we all love our new President, and Head Prefect. Go Ebe! Makan time!! mm mmm... Air cond room, but sit on the floor. O well, u win some u lose some. Bye Hui Ning! Last shot!! Promise =p


TIRED? I hope not. The wacky one's are just coming right up..


Rendition of the 'Makan Scene'. Feed me! Embrace me, my love! Steady... 1, 2... Fight! nonono, terrible... *sigh* Oh No! The sky is falling!!!




OK, Now I'm tired.. *phew*

Ibnu's Going

Trials is over, what a relief.. I was so looking forward to a relaxing weekend before hitting the books again. But something just hit me like a bullet train today. And it left my heart-aching. I can't believe Ibnu's going away, and so soon. I thought we'd have time to catch up, you know, like old times. Just you, me, and ViVien. It has been so long. I don't blame you, or your dad, but I wished I had realised what little time I had long ago. Now that your leaving in November, time seems to soar by, while here I am, feeling so numb. We were never really close, but losing a friend stings all the same.

I wish I had realised earlier
How little time we had together
I would have sacrificed most things
To straighten the creases in our friendship

Living my life under my own clock
Making time for this and that
When I should have just stopped
To appreciate all I've had

Time will not rewind itself
I'd hate to just stare at your back
While you walk out of my life
Doha Qatar is so far far away
I know I might never see you again

I want to hijack a time machine
To go back to when we first met
And our second gathering
To a time when it was so simple
We thought it would never end

I don't want to say
'Don't worry, I've still got time'
Because time waits for no man
Never would I miss that second of my life
Just to look back and say
I wish I had found the time

Time shall tear us apart
Time will move us further
Time is merciless
Time breaks the barriers

But if God shall choose to do so
To take some fate left in his pocket
And grant us destiny between oceans
Perhaps we shall meet again

+++ I'm so gonna miss you Ibnu +++

sketch

Before my Math paper, I decided to employ a new policy. Dont-Study. At school, while everybody was slaving away at memorizing formulas, i just sat and drew stuff. It kinda works actually, I didn't feel so tense during the paper. Try it folks! =p

{I like this character. Maybe a little colour shall be in order soon.=D}

Gone

Keys beneath my fingers

Trace the song

Beloved and so dear

And my heart sings

An ode to the angels

Who brings one and one together

Fill the days with laughter

Smiling at the hearts core

Days turn into weeks

Weeks turn into months

Months come and go

So the melody shall flow

Caressing, loving, the piano

The tune is complete

Piano, crescendo, and forte abound

So heavenly the sound

Christened the most beautiful ever found

But, alas, I play no more

The tune has left the players keys

Keys beneath my fingers

Trace the song

Beloved and so dear

But my heart weeps

Where have the angels gone?

Who tore two apart

Filled the days with sadness

Lamenting at the hearts core